I've actually enjoyed you the past couple of months, but this month, my BIRTHDAY month, you just had to go and disappoint me.
I don't know where the lip stain is in this photo... either I was an absolute idiot and just forgot to put it back in the box or else it was so ashamed of itself as a product that it was hiding somewhere (most likely the latter).
Take the jump to see full details.
Here's the card, front and back, in case you're interested in reading (and to save myself from having to type product descriptions as provided by the Birchbox team):
Back (Product descriptions)
Onto the products, in order that they were listed on the card (not in order of offensiveness):
beautyblender - blendercleanser
I'm not thrilled with this since it's essentially assuming that everyone who gets a Birchbox owns a beauty blender... well, **NEWSFLASH**, I don't have $20 laying around for a foundation sponge (although I do hear they work wonders) when my fingers and hands are free and have worked for years.
I am excited to try this on my brushes though since apparently you can clean them with this as well.
I am NOT, however, thrilled with the smell. It is PUTRID but I did get a good laugh since one of the ingredients is "fragrance". So they purposefully made this smell bad? Fantastic.
Comodynes - Self-Tanning Intensive
Alright, is this a joke even more offensive than the apparent "fragrance" that was added to the beautyblender cleanser?
I have NO intentions of tanning (I've actually always envied porcelain skin), much less only my face. I put on moisturizer AND foundation with SPF (hell, even my concealer has SPF in it... because pimples are bad, but a sunburnt pimple is even worse!! Haha) in them so why would I want to cancel all of that tan prevention out?
Nowhere in my beauty profile deal did I ever say that I was interested in tanning myself so the fact that I was sent this product... sigh. Oh well.
Number 4 - Super Comb Prep & Protect
I haven't tried this yet. Normally I would be excited to try this out since my hair gets pretty snarly right out of the shower and, since I'm growing out my hair, I'm all about protection.
Unfortunately this smells like a mixed drink gone wrong... too much cheap alcohol and watered down fruit fakeness. Bleeeeech. Definitely not how I want my hair to smell (reek) of, especially if I've just washed it.
theBalm cosmetics - Stainiac in Beauty Queen
I was actually the most excited about this product!!
Until I opened it.
I wish you could hear this stuff pop and squish... it sounds like silly putty when you poke and squish it to make it fart. Except you're expected to put this on your face and lips? Alright... So I sniffed it and, thankfully, it has absolutely no fragrance!! So that's at least one redeeming quality.
But unfortunately it may be its only.
Much better when blended out, but it's a horrific consistency; very watery and moist on the skin.
So I tried using this on my lips, thinking maybe since it's odorless it will be tasteless and a nice tint for the lips. Well, if you're wondering where the photo of my lips with the stain is, there is none. Mainly because the minute I put it on I HAD TO SCRUB IT OFF IT WAS AWFUL. It had a really weird cooling sensation on my lips and only stained the cracks in my lips so I just felt and looked like a freaking mess.
Essentially, this product is worthless (for me).
Last is the "extras":
tili - Ziplock Baggie
I'm actually okay with this product. It's a cute little baggie that seems like it'll be able to be used at least a few times. Plus I love the sliding Ziplock feature; sometimes the normal baggie closures just don't want to close for me and I spend an embarrassing amount of time trying to shut the stupid thing.
John Varvatos - Star USA
When I first saw this in my box (all of the other products other than the baggie and the tanning wipes were wrapped in tissue paper) I honestly thought Birchbox effed up and thought I was a man now. I clearly remember opening the box and thinking "DAMMIT".
Thankfully that wasn't the case (but Birchbox maybe should have thought about how this would be viewed at first glance) and is rather something to aid in making Americans more giving (since we are instructed to give this to a friend or family member of the opposite sex). It's a decent smelling cologne so I just might give this to my dad!
So that's it folks!
If you are subscribed to Birchbox, what did you get in yours?
Hopefully your box was better than mine?
At least next month's box can't get any worse!
xoxo - Cassie